Archive for the ‘Random Funnies’ Category


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I’m gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the movies and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya bitch?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it?
If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!!
What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, fuckin’ dumb ass?



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Want to buy your daughter a new Barbie doll?

Anorexic Barbie – Comes with action phrases such as, “I ate a grape yesterday, and now I feel obese!” and, “Must lose weight, must lose weight!”

Burn Victim Barbie – Comes with her own special ointment and hospital bed.

Cripple Barbie – Comes with her own body cast and non-moving action.

Bad Hair Day Barbie – “The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets!”

Unlucky Barbie – Comes with a black cat, a broken mirror, and action phrases such as, “God must hate me!” and, “Oh, no, another 7 years of bad luck. That makes the grand total 263.”

Divorce Barbie – Comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Mid-Life Crisis Barbie – Comes with real crying action and phrases such as, “It’s all downhill from here.” and, “My life is almost over.”

Drug Addict Barbie – Comes with drugs, and phrases such as, “I’m not addicted I just can’t be away from it for too long.” and, “Don’t call the cops it’ll be my third strike!”

Rehab Barbie – See ‘Drug Addict Barbie’

Jail Break Barbie – Comes with her own serial number, a striped suit, and anger issues.

Acne Barbie – Put hot water on her face and the zits magically disappear! WARNING: Side effects may include, burning, puss, and scars.

Catatonic Barbie – Includes pills, men in white suits with needles, and lots and lots of non-moving and non-blinking action!

Mime Barbie – Comes with face paint and mimilicious catch phrases such as, ” ” and, ” “. WARNING: If product gets stuck in an invisible box and can not get out, do not contact us, for we do not care about your whiney problems.

Obesity Barbie – Comes with 16 pounds of food and storage under her fat rolls.

Homeless Barbie – Comes with shopping cart, soda cans, and blankets.

Suicidal Barbie – Includes pocketknife, rope, gun, and an excessive need for anti-depressants. WARNING: Do not let her by any cliffs and/or bridges and is better left in a dark room. Alone. By herself. Without you.

hIskOOl DroPOuT Barbie – Comes with no education whats so ever, southern accent, and catch phrases such as, “Theres no problem with living in your mom’s basement when you 46!” and, “I’ve worked at this here Buger King since I was 16, an I still love my job. Oh shut-up you stupid person, ‘gimmi this’ ‘can i have that’ all you ever do is nag, nag, nag. Do you think I care if you WANT fries with that! NO! Anyway what was I saying?”

Abusive Barbie – Comes with real beating action! WARNING: If your product beats and/or harms you in anyway, we don’t care, you are a wimpish loser. We will deny everything and say you shouldn’t of bought a product with the word ‘abusive’ in it anyway.

Negitivity Barbie – Comes with action packed action phrases such as, “I give up,” “I hate myself,” and “I suck.”

Verbally Abusive Barbie – Comes with catch phases such as, “HA,HA! You suck loser!” and, “You will never amount to anything!” WARNING: We will not pay for any therapy that the user of this product will need. HINT: To feel better, purchase Negativity Barbie, for a coupon go to coupon costs $10.95.

Serial Killer Barbie – Comes with wanted poster, knife, and demonic look.

Paranoid Barbie – Comes with catch phrases such as, “Everyone’s out to get me.” and “The voices in my head tell me that I shouldn’t like you.”

Real Life Rock Star Barbie – Comes with alcohol, drugs, throw-uppy action, high stress levels and real hangovers!

Dead Barbie – Comes with will, hearse, grave stone, casket, and after a while she starts to decompose!

Clown Barbie – Also comes with face paints (see Mime Barbie) and if you press a special button you can here screaming children, because face it, clowns are creepy.

Old Geezer Barbie – Comes with hip replacement, saggy skin, and strokes and/or heart attacks. WARNING: Do not come to us when and if your Barbie just died. See Dead Barbie.

@:#$&>! Barbie – Come with real cussing action such as, “YOUR A $(&>”:@*” and, ” YOU @#$^*>/”

Optimistic Barbie – Comes with catch phrases like, “My hamster died, YIPPEE!” and “Although the world is coming to an end and we will all die, but it could be worse!”

Enuff said…*Crickets*

By – JustTweetRizzy

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