Archive for December 2009

Following People on Twitter

I was always raised to be a Leader and not a Follower…. all until a mutha f*cka came with the creation of  Twitter, but how the f*ck do you want me to follow  your peanut butter and jelly looking self if : (1)You have no icon ? .. I’m not boutta talk to a bird.. b*tch (2) You’re not in my age bracket. .. lil girl I don’t give a f*ck about your tweets! &  how “mom just put me on timeout” .. time out b*tch fareal? (3) If you have to ask me to follow you…. over there begging a n*gga to follow you and sh*t so you can feel special. Go somewhere and play with a ball or something  Lil Puppy! (4) You  know that I know, that we know your ass don’t ever have something interesting to say… ill rather follow a wall or wait for you to die . How you Following: 23432 & have  -2 Followers ? …. #FAILURE! (5) You live nowhere near me… I expect to one day meet someone i follow in person and start a REAL friendship… your location says you live in Alaska. B*tch i don’t even know what an Alaskan looks like. Is that place even in the United States? (6) If you have Barbie,5 Star, or Bad Bitch in your twitter name. A Barbie? you look like a furby doll mixed you a troll cha chia pet. A 5 star? … Puppy  you look like an Obtuse Angle. A bad b*tch? …Baby yes we know your face looks bad , hair looks bad , &  your outfit definitely  looks bad b*tch. You can be the sexiest skittle in the bag. I will NOT follow you if you haven’t done anything for me to notice your ass. You robot.

Moral of the story: Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me & be my friend. By Kandyman @iEatTheePussy


Stealing Other Peoples Pictures Online

So you mean to tell me your soooooooooo ugly that you took the time out of your Non-Existing life to first search for an attractive person (of the same sex) to impersonate, then go to a social network and create a whole new profile, make up a new perfect BIO and say its “YOU”….B*tch you ain’t GOD. You need to login into Over there  creating a whole new life of someone who already exist and who is not aware of your scandal. You can never meet the person you are talking to on the net in person! Do you not know that sooner or later your martian ass will be caught? What you going to do then huh ? With your ugly ass sitting over there at the computer table look like a duck tale. Some of these crazy puppies try to talk to me not knowing I know the person that they took the pics from… i mean if u ganna steal pics you should atleast pick someone who nooooboody has never seen or will ever see in person…. but  that wont happen cute people are always discovered. It’s only your ugly and the rest of the  “ugly ass colony” who has been in the  basement locked in from the outside. Master of disguise “Turtle Turtle” lookin mutha f*cka.

Moral of the story: Don’t be a fake somebody just to be a real nobody.By Kandyman @iEatTheePussy



Man one thing i cannot stand is cheaters man..i think yall the fakest people on earth..its funny how people will lie they ass off..and Im a dude nd yes ive cheated b4 nd got cheated on i can give yall both sides of the story..but damn i hate when dumbass ppl if you gone cheat at least cheat wit sum1 cuter than me at least like u cant go from a or a 7 or 8 to a nigga who like a 4 or 5 least upgrade u 1 time i got cheated on lol i was so curious to see how this dude look i went ot his nigga page OMFG lmao…nigga lookd too short witta hundred hat on witta dunktail hangin out the fuckn bag trynna dougie lmao..but ive only been cheated on twice..but like shit if u gone be a hoe be a hoe if u so much of a pimp why wud u get inna relationship if u wanna pimp be single nd pimp dont wast a person time..and dont cheat when u have sum1 good cuhz ive cheated b4 nd regreted it cuhz lost sum amazing gf’s nd now the older u get the better girls are hard to get cuhz they been hurt or cheated on so many times they like brain washed to the point where they say dont dont need no nigga they really dont need no nigga nd niggas cant even argue wit it cuhz a bitch will shut yo shit down asap lmao trust me cuhz u cant even like explain how u different soon u do that a bitch throw u in the category wit every other lien ass to get a good girl lmao it gotta be yo lucky jus know if u get sum1 wit ease she must not be one of the better woman lmao she must be a hoe =]..but yea if u gone pimp gone pimp lol cuhz ill fuck a bitch up ha nd whoever u get to try fuck me up lmao =]

by @skate4hxxkers


Broke people

Man i cant stand broke people..its funny cuhz its always the nigga or bitch with the loudest mouth that be broke lmao..a nigga wiill have the freshest myspace pix wit brand new fits but be broke as fuck trynna sneak in a house party that cost $2 a wtf..i cant stand niggas always trynna borrow money like nigga ill slap the fuck outta u trynna borrow $5..who the fuck i think u is? im yo homie not yo dad!! u sposed to be grown..nd its always the broke person to hate on a nigga the hardest to like they doing sum10 better wit they life..nd like if u broke nigga be broke lol dont lie about it nd front..foolin bitches haah..bitches prolly think they got them the best nigga in the world for that 1st week..huh? yall be telln yall girlfriends this nigga got this..this nigga got that nd u fuckn him in shit..ha i wonder what yall wonder wen u in love witta nigga that yall found out he broke as fuck nd he all talk? lmao nd it be to late cuhz u aleady be in love ha..nd man i hate broke bitches to so yall dont even laff lol they bitches that always flake on niggsa i noticed be the broke ones who front..they always just wanna chill at the house nd never wanna go to the movies or anywhere once they find out im not payin cuhz i dotn pay for bitches who aint my for real tho aint nothing wrong wit bein broke as long as u trying like if im broke ill let a bitch know lik shit times is hard i aint the richest nigga but im trying lol..but its not coo to be broke nfd front nd hate on every1 nigga or bitch startin uneccessary drama what yall think ?

by @skate4hxxkers



Bad Hygiene

who agrees that bad hygiene is the biggest turn off in the word??? omfg i cant stand talkn 2 a bitch nd im actually keepn my distance nd her breath is still hittin me =[..i be trynna be koo but i be ready to pass out ..cuhz wen that 1st woof of fonky breath hit u..yo ass twich like u got terrets….yo woof of breath got me stunned for about 4-5 seconds..shit make me wousy nd weak in the knees =[..u ever been next to a nigga wit funky armpits ? every heard of speed stick? fuck that imma need 2 speed u the nearest right gaurd factory well jus throw yo fonky off a airplane for shit like that..nd niggas be havin ashy ash ankle nd ashy ass lips i be ready 2 slap a nigga with 360 wave grease slickd on hand lmao..or a bitch witta weave that smell like burnt plastic lol u walk into a room niggas look at u like how ppl lookd at lil mama wen she walkd on stage during jay z perfomance like dman man..get yo hygiene up niggas dont have to have the flyest clothes but at least have it least smell good nd have a clean cut..ladies dnt gotta be the prettiest but dont have yo makeup havn u look like a micky mouse clown =[..ladies have yo legs shaved..toes nd nails done presentable

by @Skate4hxxkers



Man i can’t stand stuck up bitches!!! nd the thing is most yall stuck up bitches aint even all that..bitches think cuhz they got niggas on them they poppn bitches please every girl got niggas on u stuck up bitch  nd u look like electic seal witta fat booty..if u dont get yo $2 just add water perm ass outta here..talkn bout wifey ha u look like the bride of the nerve 2 act like a who the fuck is you????? but its funny the stuck up bitches is always the ones who get hurt..yal always think yall know it all..yall aint shit but spoild ass bitches lmao if u 1 them stuck up bitches ill jack off nd nut on yo ankle wen u sleep bitch!!! nd like every1 knows they ranks like in the look catergory lol so 1 time i downgraded a level tried to talk 2 this bitch..she said “uhh not intersted” before we even had a convo lol i was ready smile at her then soon she give me a crazy look jus knock her head off her shoulders lmao..shit like that will get yo car keyed by me =] ha jp

by @Skate4hxxkers


GOT Haters?

Where would you be without a hater? A hater envies you & would back hand thier own mother just to have a taste or your life.A hater will always say something that would want you to change who you are, BUT do not confuse a hater with someone telling you the f*ckin truth. Someone ganna say your breath smells like “COFFEE & HELL NAH” then you have the nerve to call them a hater!….. yea they HATE  how you walked out the house with you breath smelling like “the year 2003”. HMM There is many types of haters:Internet Hater 1 (knows me somewhat in real life but only hates on me online), Internet Hater 2 (never met you in my life), Behind My Back Hater (only hates on me when I am not present), Smile In My Face Hater (hates but pretends to be cool with me, when I see them), Want Me To Hear You Hater (says little slick sh*t, just loud enough so I can hear), Keep It To Yourself Hater (has never said anything out loud but definately hating in their mind), Take Action Hater 1 (takes it physical and tries to fight me), Take Action Hater 2 (does sh*t on the sneak tip like slashing my tires etc…….and thinks I don’t know who did it), Copy Cat Hater (does everything I do, then say your better than me at it). via

Moral of the story: “Love thy Hater and make sure they’re doing they job “ By Kandyman @iEatTheePussy

ok yall i been searching thru blogs nd stumbled across this question nd i startin laughin instantly lmao read nd read my answer in red ha

His Question:

My girlfriend feels “loose” when we have sexual intercourse what should i say? what can she do?

She gets very wet and i guess this makes things lubricated a lot, i can insert 4 fingers without her noticing it is that many when she is like this. The outer lips of her vagina do not close when she stands, they are always open. We have sex often.

Please offer some advice, i love her so much and want to make the sexual experience feel better for me and her

Damone Answers:

Wow bro..smh really fast..imma give u sum real advice…this 1st of all your girlfriend is a WHORE..nigga what the fuck u mean her lips of  her vagina dont close wen she stand up? wtf she been fuckn? she must not play when see say she want head do she actually stick niggas head in her pussy gotta  niggas drownin? how the fuck u stick 4 fingers in her off the back? nigga i shud slap the fuck out of yo googly ass for even bein wit her cuhz that bitch KNOCKED UP cruicial ..havee u ever heard of a BIBLE or DOCTER cuhz that pussy need jesus nd needs to be checkd i gotta ask you bro do yall have any animals? such as Horses,  or uhm Giraffes or any kind? if so i suggest u get rid of them cuhz sum10 aint asap!!! =[.. cuhz if u can deep throat her pussy wit ease thats not normal..witta pussy tht loose she can prolly suck a midget in like a kirby vaccum =[…maybe u shud jus get head from her nd not fuck her smh.. but on the real imma give u a few tips

5 Quick Tips

1. When your inside her try to have her cough, that clamps her muscles nd exercises it

2. Have her take a bath in vinegar that closes down the walls a lil bit

3. Head to a pharmacist they have a special cream that tightens it

4. Try googlin kegel exersises those help out to

5. If  try choking her =] choke her till her pussy gets tighter


from your very own @Skate4hxxkers

Kandyman Answers:

Are you serious? 3 word,  “dispose of her”.9 times out of ten she f*cking another dude & if its as bad as you say it is … 5 times out of that ten shes f*ckin a horse and or an elephant foot …. with elephantitis. Mutha F*cka had the nerve to tell us her p*ssy doesn’t close when she stands [some things you keep to yourself ! ] A b*tch doesn’t deserve to even have a vagina if you ever have to ask  “Why doesn’t your pussy close?”.C’Mon Son. That b*tch needs to put that p*ssy on vacation and have a sign that say will be back in 5 years attached to it. Unless you dump her and tell her exactly why you are dumping her, plan on having the worst Sex you can ever imagine for the rest of your dumb ass life. It can only get worse.

MORAL OF THE STORY– “If she’s loose… throw up the duece”

By Kandyman @iEatTheePussy

Leave Comments on your tips!

(JayJay decided to go skiing with the homie, Mikey. They loaded up JayJay’s
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a bad blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby Cabin and asked the Sexy ASS lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.)

Sexy ASS lady: I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but husband just died
‘I’m afraid the neighbors will talk & spread rumors if I let you stay in my house.’

JayJay: Don’t worry, we’ll be happy to sleep in the backhouse. We’ll be gone as soon as the weather gets better and what not.

(The lady was koo with it, and the two men found their way to the backhouse)
(Mickey could not fall asleep. He was tossing and turning! so as soon as JayJay fell asleep .. Mickey got up & left the backhouse and went to Sexy ASS ladies house)

(She opens the door)

Sexy ASS lady: Yes, whats the problem .

Mickey: I couldn’t sleep… mind if i keep you company.

Sexy ASS lady: Sure, Sure come in.

Part 2

(3 hours after Mickey entered the house , he returned to the backhouse and fell asleep)

About nine months later, JayJay got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that SEXY ASS lady he had met on the ski weekend. He went to see his friend Mickey

JayJay: ‘Mickey, do you remember that Sexy ass Lady from the house we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?’

Mickey: ‘Yes, I do.’

JayJay: ‘Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’

Mickey: Yes! =/ (a little embarrassed about being caught.) ‘I have to admit that I did.’

Jay Jay: ‘And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?’

(Mickey’s face turned red)

Mickey: ‘Yeah, sorry, bro. i ain’t ganna lie I did. But Why do you ask?’

JayJay: ‘She just died and left me everything.’ Thanks!

Thee END!!!


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Its Same Promoter that brought you

Dear Santa,

Hi its me Little Kandyman.I just wanted to write you this letter to tell you how I’ve been good all year.I got all A+’s at Pine Elementary, I’ve been good at school & I promise i didn’t play with lil Ashley from next door during nap time.I did all my chores and didn’t even go on that website mommy told me not to go to ever again.To make a long story short I’ve been an angel & the best i could be this year. So I say that to say this! …….. WHY THE F*CK did you give me a book for christmas … got damn i just barely learnt how to read last week . Then your Mutha F*ckin’ aZZ had the nerve to bring me a magic school bus … A TOY BUS SANTA…. for real?!!!. Im in elementry now.You could of atleast got me a hotwheel! I outta Magically BUS you in the head with that sh*t. Not only did you give me a bus & a book ,you bought me some shoes that light up when i walk! Now how the fuck am i suppose to play hide and go seek with them mutha f*ckas on! WAIT you think i forgot to write something about that “PLAYSTATION 4 system” you got me? … PLAYSTATION 4?..That aint even out yet mutha F*cka and it for sure wouldnt come in a NINTENDO 64 Box.WHO HIRED YO ASS? This is the worst Christmas Ever! I hope someone robs you for your Sleigh then beat up your Reindeers “Bambi, Simba,” (or whatever their names are) so bad that your going to end up walkin back to the Northpole! Dont even try bringing your FATASS down my chimney next year.I’ll make sure the fire is on and i have your Poison and Cookies .. i mean Milk and Cookies ready for you …. FUCK YOU SANTA!

Sincerely Yours , Little Kandyman 😀

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